Part two of my 20th year, the months of April to August were both anticlimactic and significant. Anticlimactic because I spent a lot of it being a total waste of human life, and significant because of a few key events.
To start, after coming back from my trip to the motherland, I did a lot of bumming around. As I wrote in my journal on April 24th,
“I have never—in my 19 years of life on this earth—felt as useless as I do now. I feel like such a waste of air. My days have no real purpose. No school. No work. No Religion. No saving the planet, or feeding the hungry. Basically, I suck”.
In those first few months before I eventually got a job, I spent my days playing on my new sewing machine (on better, more constructive days), or on my computer spending hours reading manga, and watching anime and Asian dramas. If you interested in some of the series I’d watched during that time, visit my review blog at: Looney Express Reviews.
I needed structure, a schedule, which I didn’t have, so I started to slowly wither with idleness. My sleep schedule was totally screwed up with me staying up all night and sleeping all day, like a damn vampire, except without the sexiness! I would lucky to eat one proper meal, so I was too damn lazy to get up and make something, so I relied on the instant gratification of chocolate and gummi worms.
Lestat over Edward Cullen ANY day!
When I wasn’t being a total waste of human flesh, I was doing a bit of soul searching. I realized that I was becoming a little bitter about my life and the diminishing of my childhood dreams. I’ve always wanted to experience the world and life to the fullest. I fantasized of traveling the world and taking photographs of the world’s treasures and awe-inspiring sights. I wanted to become a linguist and study several languages. I wanted to become cultured—attend concerts, festivals, see plays and musicals. But so many things continue to stand in my way—religion, family responsibility and my own fears and insecurities. I soon got past all of that. Thankfully, I’m too damn cheerful and determined to remain depressed and sullen for long.
In May, I finally got a job as a sales associate at Macys in White Plains. The job was exhausting and a pain in the ass, but it was nice to see money going into my checking account every week, but by the end of the summer, I don’t know where the HELL the majority of my money went! You don’t realize how much money you’re spending, until it’s all spent!
New York is Number One, err…Six!
I was so damn proud when NY became the sixth state to allow for Gay Marriage in the end of June. As excited as I was though, I was also greatly conflicted. As I was watching the news with my dad, I had to hide my excitement and pride and disgust towards my dad as he sprouted his right-wing religious doctrine rants. And I start to feel guilty for not condemning gays like other Muslims. But being who I am, that lasted about 30 seconds and I was like Fuck this, religion is a personal thing, so who cares what anybody else believes. It only matters how I interpret my own religion and if I’m okay with my feelings, then the world is an okay place!
Rye Playland Outing with Little Sis!
In July, and little sister and I went to Rye Playland for the first time. It was a lot of fun. We got on the Metro North and had a total blast. My little sis said it was “the best day of her life”, but she says that every time I take her out! lol
Officially an Adult – First Credit Card
You’re not an adult when you turn 18, not even at 21 when you can legally get wasted, it’s when you start acquiring debt via Credit Card! Got the Capital One Journey Card with just a $500 limit, which was nearly maxed out because of textbooks! Arg! I’m still paying it back! Not. Cool.
First Hurricane of NY! Cool!
Yes, I was actually excited about the hurricane warning in NYC on the 27th of August. I mean, we’ve never had a major natural disaster in my lifetime, so it was kind of cool. Of course, I was extremely disappointed that it was just like a regular rainstorm. *pout*
That’s it for now. Next is the last part of my year, Sept. to Dec. God, going back to school after 6 months was such a pain!
Hasta La Vista,
Life is Funny